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Be Thou My Vision.

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Have you ever watched a storm roll in over the water?

I’m talking about really watching it roll in. Sitting there as it slowly creeps across the water. Being still with no distractions. Just silently and patiently watching the clouds roll in. Have you ever done that?

I hadn’t. Until Tuesday.

I felt the Lord calling me away to be still. I felt Him telling me to ask Him, “Be thou my vision.” So I went to my favorite spot overlooking the water. It’s where I come when I feel like He needs to talk to me without distractions.

So I pulled in and parked. And I played this song. When I first parked, I took a picture. And I posted it with the caption: “Be thou my vision.” If you follow me on Instragram, you saw it. This is one of my all time favorite songs. So I sat there and sang it. The whole time I was singing, I was fixated on something in the distance across the water. Then something happened.

When I first pulled in, I could see far into the distance. In fact, if you look closely at the picture on the left, not only can you see land all the way down on both sides of the Sound, but you can also see mountains in the distance. “Be thou my vision.” I focused on the mountains and asked me what He wanted me to see.

And then it started to roll in. The storm. The grey clouds so thick and ominous. The kind of clouds that distinctly have rain pouring down in lines. So I sat very still and watched. My windows were closed and no one was around. All I could hear was my own breathing. First, the mountains in the distance disappeared. The outline of each peak grew dim, and then dimmer, and then suddenly they were no longer visible. “Interesting, Lord. Be thou my vision.

So in my heart I listened.

I thought that only the mountains were going to disappear. And that He was going to have a lesson for me in that. But the powerful storm continued to roll in. Slowly, the next furthest land mass disappeared. And then the shore of the next. And the next. The fog was rolling in across the water, concealing everything I had first observed. Finally, the rain and fog began covering the shore closest to where I was parked. I could literally see the green trees disappearing before my eyes in a line–as if they were being painted white, or as if a curtain was being closed. “Be thou my vision.”

And within maybe a half hour’s time it was all gone. Everything I had seen when I first got there was gone. No Sound view, no coastline, no land, no mountains in the distance. All I could see was a little sailboat and a few hundred yards of water in front of me. “Be thou my vision.” If I had pulled up to park at that very moment, a stranger to the view and the park, I would have had NO idea that there was land out there. Or an entire channel of water. Or mountains in the distance. No evidence whatsoever.

I found it ironic that the Lord called me away with a specific prayer on my heart for him to “be my vision” and then He completely obscured my vision.

Have you ever had that happen? You prayed for something, and the exact OPPOSITE happened? Had your clarity turn to muddy obscurity? What I’m trying to say, is have you ever asked the Lord for something that He didn’t answer in the way you anticipated? If you are human, I would assume your answer is “YES!”

So what do you do with that?

I’d like to propose that we ONLY have two options. We really can only grow closer to God in faith and trust, or we can drift away in bitterness and disappointment. Which characterizes you?

Let’s start with the latter. “We can drift away in bitterness and disappointment.” Lord, I asked you to be my vision. You obscured my view. You don’t hear me. You don’t care about me. You don’t love me. You are not trustworthy. You are not safe. You are not good.

Therefore, I will seek my OWN happiness and find my OWN satisfaction in _______. Fill in the blank. My spouse. My kids. My job. My beauty. Fitness. Travel. Money. Pleasure. Food. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Music. Art. Cooking. Education.

I relate to this. Many of you don’t know this, but my heart has been grieved that it has been so difficult for us to have a family. Liam is a miracle (take a look around the blog if you don’t know the story). We shouldn’t even have him. And it feels ungrateful to say that we’ve struggled with wanting more children and not being able to have them. But we have. It’s difficult to desire siblings for your child and know that medicine and science say you cannot conceive. We know there are other options. We love adoption. We love embryo adoption. But it has been on our heart to pray for a miracle, and to that end we’ve prayed. And the fog rolled in. The answer we hoped for hasn’t happened. So what did I do?

I pressed hard into other things. My relationships. My work. Busyness. Why? Out of fear. That the fog meant God didn’t really love me. That He didn’t really care about our family. That He wasn’t really good. Just like the serpent in the garden, Satan has been whispering to me, “Did God really say…?”

And God knew. And He called me away with Him on Tuesday.

To whisper gently to me. To remind me—the storm isn’t what He wants me to focus on. The storm obscures the view. But I have had an unobstructed view of the glory and goodness of God and the presence of the clouds doesn’t change what I know exists in the distance.

Did you get that?

“The presence of the clouds doesn’t change what I know exists in the distance.” Before the clouds rolled in, those mountains were REAL. I saw them. I did not doubt their presence. I did not question their existence. The clouds were the distraction. The diversion. But the mountains were still there.

Before Liam was, God. Before we wanted to grow our family, God. Before we were married, God. Before I ever even had a desire to be a mother, God. “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” {Hebrews 13:8} For one million reasons, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good and have been blessed by taking refuge in Him {Psalm 34:8}. I know that better is one day in God’s courts than a thousand elsewhere {Psalm 84:10}. He has been so good to me. “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” {Psalm 145:8} I love Jesus, guys. His established presence in my life is a certain as the existence of those mountains in the distance.

Because God.

So option one is where I land: “Grow closer to God in faith and trust.” What a privilege it is to stand on the promises of God as opposed to being swayed by the storms of circumstance. It APPEARS that the mountains are gone. It APPEARS that all that exists is what I can see right in front of me. But what appears and what IS are two completely different things. The truth is, that God is. And we have the true gift of continuing in faith, even when our sight fails us.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” {Hebrews 11:1} I don’t know why we can’t just have more children. Why it’s not as easy as saying, “We’re going to plan to have a baby next summer.” But I know this. Jesus is worthy of my complete and undivided worship. He loved me while I was yet in sin. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” {Romans 5:8} My hope is not in my future family, or my circumstances. The only place where my hope is secure is in Christ. “We hope in the glory of God. “Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. And the result is this: a tested genuineness of our faith. Worth more than gold.

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes through it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” {1 Peter 1:6-7}

A faith that is steadfast in storms {Matthew 7:24-27} that is NOT contingent on circumstances or on God delivering what we want when we want it. Lord, forgive us for our unbelief. For our impatience. For being demanding and ungrateful and for saying that we know better than you.

This is me sticking my STAKE IN THE GROUND and saying, “though he slay me, yet I will hope in him.” {Job 13:15} It’s me saying, “Be thou my vision.” I don’t want what I SEE to be my vision. I want Him to be my vision.

Join me, friend.

I challenge you to have a faith that is not contingent on your circumstances. To see past the fog and remember that the mountains are there. God is there. And He is worthy of your continued trust. He is good.

And He MUST be our vision.

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4 thoughts on “Be Thou My Vision.”

  1. God is a God of MIRACLES. You know that. Liam is a MIRACLE. (I found your blog in the last months of your pregnancy.) If HE desires for you to conceive . . . you will conceive . . . no matter what the doctors say.

    Thirty-two years ago . . . I was 21 years old, newly married, and my doctor told me that I needed a complete hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis. I went to a new doctor for a 2nd opinion. Doctor #2 told me that I had a 2% chance to ever conceive . . . BUT he would hold off on doing the surgery to give us time to PRAY about it. Two months later, I was pregnant. In the next 6 years I had 6 babies. Then . . . I lost a baby. Then, after baby #7, I was told that I now needed a hysterectomy. The doctor opened me up, and the LORD had healed me. There were no signs of battling endometriosis for 12 years. There was no scar tissue from 2 previous surgeries. The doctor closed me up and sent me home. The LORD chose to give us 3 more babies. Then, the LORD called us to adopt 2 girls from Africa. Yes. 12 children later . . .

    I TRUSTED. I BELIEVED in MIRACLES. The LORD knew the desires of my heart. The LORD chose to BLESS us beyond belief. I am PRAYING that the LORD will bring healing to your body and that He will choose to BLESS you with more children . . . whether through birth or through adoption. Seek Him. Trust Him. Follow Him. He will lead . . .

    1. Laurel! What an incredible testimony of God’s grace to your family. Thank you so much for sharing. God IS a God of miracles and I so appreciate your prayers for His will in our family’s life. Thank you for your encouragement!

  2. Kate, I would like to encourage you write more often. You have been given a gift and it’s not a gift until you give it away. You weave your words so beautifully.
    These past few months have been a time for me to seek the stillness and silence in His presence. Psalm 46:10 became my mantra.
    I believe in miracles. I believe in a loving God who provides us with every need ~ not what we think we need but what He knows we need, when we need it. His timing is perfect.
    Thank you for this perfect gift this beautiful on a beautiful morning.
    Have a blessed day in the Lord, my friend.
    With all of the Love in my heart, shelly

    1. Shelly—“I believe in a loving God who provides us with every need ~ not what we think we need but what He knows we need, when we need it.” Amen to that, sister. That is such an encouraging promise. I trust that. I know He knows what’s best and His timing is perfect and He is never late. Thanks for the encouragement to keep trusting and to keep writing. I think I will. 🙂 It’s been so good for me this last week.

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