Don’t be anything else to me, but who you are. Almost two weeks ago (looks like this series will be more spread out than I thought), we talked about what it looks like to invite Jesus to be the Lord of our heart. Today I see this part of the hymn as a cry of the heart: “Who you are is more than enough for me, Jesus.”
Is Jesus enough for you?
I have experienced seasons of my life where my vision was blurred and where I believed that Jesus wasn’t enough for me. Where I forgot who He was and what He had done. Where the wonder wore off and the excitement and passion faded. In those seasons I suffered greatly under the lie that other things would bring me satisfaction and fulfillment and peace.
As Jason and I have led small groups these last few years, we’ve seen the same lie take root in the hearts of some of the people we love. It’s devastating to watch someone who previously loved Jesus, who proclaimed His goodness and grace, fall into the web of lies that Satan weaves and to exchange the goodness of God for a false god. Just like in the garden with Eve, the Father of Lies comes and whispers, “Did God really say…?”
And the doubt begins. Did God really say He would be with you? Did God really promise hope and joy and peace? He’s withholding ______ from you. He’ll never come through. You should go for it on your own.
Jesus, today my prayer is that each day I would take the time to study and remember and talk about who you are. What you accomplished on my behalf. The lengths that you went to in order that I would be yours. Your perfect and finished work on the cross. How focused and faithful you were. That my affections would be stirred for YOU and that knowing you would cause me to love you with all my heart. You are enough. You are more than enough.
“Naught be all else to me save that thou art.”
Is Jesus enough for you? If you don’t “feel” like He is, what truth about Him do you need to discover or be reminded of today? I submit to you that you’re not lacking a sufficient Savior, but lacking sufficient knowledge in your head and heart about who He is. Praying that today those gaps will be filled.
God, you instruct us to keep our heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. You warn us that the heart is deceitful above all things. And you are a God that looks in on and tests the heart. LORD, we want to love you with all our heart. Help us to see in very real and practical ways what that means today. We commit this time to you in Jesus’ good name. Amen.
Good morning! I’m so excited to start this series with you. God is challenging me, and I pray He will do the same for you.
“O, Lord of my heart.”
What does that even mean? What does it look like for Jesus to be LORD of your heart? Of my heart? “Lord” in Hebrew is ‘adon and means “one possessed of absolute control.” In the Old Testament, Jehovah has been translated in English as LORD with all capitals. Jehovah is the proper name of the God of the Hebrews. (Bible Study Tools) Side note: Adonai was the plural of ‘adon and the Jews were so serious about revering God, that they would say Adonai whenever they came across the word Jehovah in Scripture. Now that’s a respect and understanding of the “LORD,” isn’t it? So what does it look like to have Jesus as the one “possessed of absolute control” of your heart? To have the God of the Hebrews as Lord of your heart?
We’ve all heard the saying “Follow your heart”, right? This is actually a SUPER dangerous piece of advice. The reality is that our hearts are “deceitful above all things and desperately sick.” (Jeremiah 17:9) Whoa! Those are serious words. Jeremiah sticks an exclamation point on the end of the verse by saying, “Who can understand it?” If we are honest with ourselves, I think we know that our hearts are sick. No matter how hard we try to be good and to love others well and to be humble and selfless and disciplined, our hearts lead us astray. We fail and instead of worshipping God, we worship idols. Idols are anything (good or bad) that are put in the place of God. They are anything that we worship as lower case “l” lord instead of worshiping Jehovah, God. Idols are broken gods that have no real power to redeem, satisfy or save us. For this reason, God instructs us to guard our heart “with all vigilance.” (Proverbs 4:23)
In the New Testament, we see a Pharisee who also happened to be a lawyer approach Jesus to test him with a question. He said, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” How did Jesus respond to that question? Do you remember? “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:34-40).
Here’s what I propose to you today: The way to “keep your heart” is to “love the LORD with all your heart.” It’s not about stopping certain behaviors. Instead, it’s about making SO MUCH of the person of Jesus that other things either fall away (sin and idols) or bow before God falling second in line (good things that have become god things). Worshipping Jesus as Lord makes Him Lord of our hearts. Kinda simple, huh?
If I’m honest, my heart most frequently leads me astray to worship beauty. I have a deeply embedded lie in my heart that I will be MOST happy when I am thin, well dressed, well put together (hair, nails + makeup). From this false belief, I strive. I’m inundated with this message and often exhibit behaviors to compound this lie (shows I watch, people I follow on social media, etc). I find two things to be true any time I’m striving after anything with my whole heart other than the Lord. I encounter one of two extremes: pride or despair.
Pride of heart says: “Oooo-weeee! Look at me! I’ve arrived. I have it all together. I’m beautiful and thin and well put together. Look out world, here I come.” My nose is high in the air and I consider myself to be the center of it all. After all, I’m awesome. (ew, even writing it out sounds gross)
Despair of heart says:“Woe is me. I’ve failed. Again. No surprise there. I haven’t exercised in two weeks. I look a mess today (just like yesterday). My husband doesn’t find me attractive and why would he? I’ll never lose these 10 lbs.” I’m naval gazing and I am a second-class citizen.
And what do you do with that? Where do you go with your pride? With your despair? I want to get insanely practical here with you and with God. We sing, “Be thou my vision, O, Lord of my heart.” We want that. We mean it when we sing it. But what does it mean to live with Jesus as Lord of our hearts on a daily basis? God knows our hearts. He knows that we are calling him, “Lord, Lord,” while placing other things higher than Him. So what does it look like to keep your heart with vigilance in a way that _(fill in the blank)_ is no longer the lower case “l” lord of your heart, but Jesus alone is capital “L” Lord of your heart? For me, what does it look like for my false god of beauty to bow before the One True God?
I submit to you that we first need to discover what it is that we are seeking from the lower case “l” lord that can ONLY be found in Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Read that again if it didn’t resonate the first time.
My lower case “l” lord is beauty. What’s yours?
I’ve had to really process through this with Jesus before submitting it to you. I want Him to show me what I’m seeking from other things that I can only find in Him. So…If my heart defaults toward worshipping beauty instead of Jesus, what am I looking for in beauty that I can only truly find in Christ?
This week in church we read from John 1. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made.” (John 1: 1-3) Jesus, the “Word”, is eternal Creator God. He has always existed, and everything that has ever existed was made through Him. “All things were made through Him.” Psalm 27:4 says, “On thing I have asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.”
Wanna know where following my heart leads? Following my heart leads to exchanging the beautiful glory of Creator God for created things. What I am searching for in my own beauty or in the beauty of people or things, can actually ONLY and FULLY be satisfied by gazing upon the beauty of God. He made it all. And yet, instead of worshipping Him for making it, I’m worshipping the created thing. How foolish! Do you see how much I’m settling? Why worship the painting? Yes! Appreciate it! Spend time gazing at it from a dozen different angles! Talk about the light and the depth and color and technique! Look at the control and discipline of each brush stroke! But at the end of the day, celebrate the ARTIST. Without the artist, there would be no painting. Apart from the ARTIST, the painting ceases to exist.
Here are four questions for you to spend some time journaling through. The first two are mine, the second two are directly from Jesus’ mouth:
Where does your heart most frequently lead you astray?
What are you looking for in your lower case “l” lord that can only be found in Christ?
“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” (Luke 6:46)
My answers look like this:
My heart frequently leads me astray to make beauty lord.
I’m looking for security and comfort and love in human beauty instead of finding those things in Christ.
I say that you are Creator God—perfect and radiant in beauty. You are more beautiful than all created things and in fact, in you and through you all beautiful things were made. Only through worshipping your beauty will I find satisfaction, security, comfort and love. My beauty is fleeting, has no bearing on my identity or value in Christ, and brings no lasting comfort. You love me as I am. I am enough in Christ.
Forgive me, Lord for making beauty lord of my heart instead of you. Forgive me for calling you Lord, but continuing to demonstrate unbelief in this area. Thank you for using your Word to convict me and to bring me to repentance. My heart breaks over my idolatry, but I am comforted in knowing that if we confess our sins, you are faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Help me to keep my heart with all vigilance and to mean it when I call you “Lord of my heart.”
I’d like to invite you to spend a few minutes agreeing with God in prayer and worship before you journal:
I’m honored to fight this battle with you, my brother/sister in Christ. There is grace for us. So much grace. When you worship idols, repent. When your heart leads you astray, repent. When you believe lies, repent. Ask God to help guard your heart. Ask Him to teach you how to love Him with all your heart. My prayer for you today and every day is that Jesus alone would be Lord of your heart. Until next time!
*click to hear my best friend, Christina Bishop sing this hymn*
I’d like to extend an invitation for you to join me over the next few weeks as we take a look at recalibrating our vision. If you’re anything like me, you struggle to keep Jesus central to all that you do throughout each day. There are so many things vying for our focus, so I’m taking the challenge WITH YOU to ask Jesus to be my vision and to help me cast aside the things that hinder me from following Him all the day long.
I want to be a wife and mom and friend and church member and business woman that can do all that she’s called to do, but with a vision of Christ in the center of it all.
So if you’re in, I invite you to click on the photo above which links to my best bud, Christina Bishop, singing “Be Thou My Vision.” This song will be included in the post for each day with the hope that you would play it first to get your heart and mindset in a place of worship as you recalibrate for the day. There will be 21 posts over the course of the next few months or so. I’m writing as and when I can. I want this to be as the Spirit leads and I’m really excited to spend this time with Jesus and with each of you.
Here’s a preview of where we’re going:
day 1: O, Lord of My Heart day 2:Naught Be All Else day 3: Thou My Best Thought day 4: Waking or Sleeping day 5: My Wisdom + Thou My True Word day 6: I Ever With Thee + Thou With Me day 7: Thy My Great Father day 8: I, Thy True Son day 9: Thou In Me Dwelling day 10: Riches I Heed Not day 11: Man’s Empty Praise day 12: Thou Mine Inheritance day 13: Thou Only First In My Heart day 14: My Treasure Thou Art day 15: My Victory Won day 16: May I Reach Heaven’s Joys day 17: O, Bright Heaven’s Sun day 18: Heart of My Own Heart day 19: Whatever Befall day 20: Still Be My Vision day 21: O, Ruler of All
Yesterday we celebrated what would have been Liam’s One Year Birthday, or his “due date day.” He actually turned one on March 2nd, but it was really fun to celebrate yesterday with some of our friends and family that prayed us through!
I know so many of you are included in that category but are far away, so I wanted to send you pictures and “invite” you into the party to celebrate with us. With each milestone in Liam’s life we are reminded just how blessed we are that he is here with us, that he is doing so well, and that we have a son!
Liam is an amazing little guy. He LOVES laughing and making us laugh. He loves our doggies and food and lights. He’s on the move—not quite walking but cruising along furniture to beat the band. He loves his Daddy and shrieks when he gets home. He’s traveled with us to New York to meet our family and friends back there that prayed for us and he’s seen his uncle graduate from College in California and has road tripped it to Portland and is about to road trip it to Colorado!
He’s the light of our life and we are really enjoying him and being his parents.
I also wanted to tell you about something we did yesterday to give back. While we were in the hospital on bed rest, we were blessed to work with a high risk OB clinic here in town. We are still in touch with that clinic and decided that in lieu of birthday gifts for Liam, we would donate lockets (pictured below) in Liam’s name to this clinic. The lockets will be given to parents dealing with pregnancy complications and/or loss.
This is near and dear to our hearts, as you know. I’m able to get the lockets at my cost (with my new business), so each one is only $25. If you are interested in donating a locket in Liam’s name, please email me at mckenziek37@yahoo.com. I can take a credit card over the phone. I plan on placing the order by Friday so Thursday is the cutoff to pay.
Thanks again everyone for all your support and prayers and love this past year and a half. It really takes a village and we have the best village! 😉
It’s crazy that a YEAR AGO today I woke up at 2 am seeing stars with an undeniable pressure headache. I remember laying there and fighting the conviction I was feeling. I knew that my symptoms were indicative of a serious spike in blood pressure, but I also knew that pushing my nurse call button would most likely result in your immanent delivery—something we had been praying would be delayed for the past 43 days.
As much as we knew God was with us, {and as much as He had proven Himself again and again}, it was still terrifying to not know what was on the other side of that operating room. I pushed that button. And the nurses and doctors came and confirmed what I thought to be true—my body was done being the safest place for you. I could carry you no longer. As they prepped me for my emergency surgery, the tears rolled down my cheeks onto the sterile floor. The lights were bright. The hustle and bustle was robotic and chaotic and yet, organized.
As they held the mask up to my face to put me to sleep, I closed my eyes and said, “Okay Jesus…” I had no idea what was on the other side of that operating room. We didn’t know how you would arrive. If you would be able to breathe. If you would have any serious brain bleeds or complications. We had no idea what to expect…
And today we are celebrating your one year birthday. That is UNREAL. Not only was your birth story incredible, but the back story as well. There were so many days that we were certain that we’d never meet you, be your parents, kiss you or hug you.
But those days are gone. And you are here. And you are ours. And we have gotten to spend the last year living life with you, watching you grow, meet new milestones, and become the little man that you are becoming. It has been such a joy.
The joy is sweeter for us because of the heartache. I’ve been reading through old blog posts as we faced some of the challenges in the hospital a year ago when you came early…I found this quote I had blogged that so perfectly describes your whole story!
“The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.”
Your conception and birth were so LUDICROUSLY impossible, son. Told we would never conceive. Failed transfer. Successful second transfer, but tragic miscarriage of your twin at 6 weeks with heavy bleeding. Broken water at 23 weeks. Early delivery at 29 weeks. COME ON! You can’t make that up. How are you here?
I found this other excerpt from a post that I wrote two weeks in to being admitted to the hospital. I was having a particularly difficult day.
“…we have had to have some incredibly difficult conversations.
Like the one where the intake nurse said, “I’m sorry. Viability is 24 weeks. You are 23 weeks, 4 days. I’m not sure what they will be able to do.”
Like the one where the doctor told us that our chances of our son surviving birth were less than 10% and chances of serious disability 100%.
Like the one where the neonatologist had to honestly walk us through what it would look like to swaddle our baby and spend his last moments alive holding him and saying goodbye.
Like the one Jason and I had a few days ago as we waited for the doctors to come and get me for an emergency c-section.
Me: {with tears streaming down my face} “Babe, he could die today.”
Jason: “I know.”
Long pause. Silence as we look into each other’s eyes and let the gravity and weight of it hit us. It’s too much. He squeezes my hand. We are terrified.
Me: “But if he makes it, I will be recovering from surgery so I want you to go be with him.”
Jason: “I don’t want to see him without you being there, but I will go if that’s what you want.”
Me: “It is. But I want you to be prepared for what he will look like. He will be hooked up to all sorts of machines and have cords and wires all over him. He will look scary.”
Jason: “He will look like my son.”
Raw.
These are the conversations we have had to have and the circumstances we have had to deal with and the emotions we have had to address. Facing the possibility of your son’s death is impossible. Impossible, friend. It’s too much. It chokes the air out of you. It turns the world black. And upside down. Everything feels broken. And hopeless. And like you are losing control.
Enter Jesus.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. (John 14:27 ESV)
And, miracle of miracles. Our hearts are not troubled and our hearts are not afraid. We have a peace that passes understanding. Because of Jesus. The Restorer. The Redeemer. The Healer. The Comforter. He is good. He is good. He is good. He is good. Our promise is in Him. He loves Liam more than we ever could. He walks with us.
That holds true today. You didn’t die. You lived. And we praise God and give Him all the glory and all the thanks and all the praise. He has been good to us, we and we celebrate Him and you and the gift of being a family today.
Happy First Birthday, Lilo Man. We love you.
Mama and Dad
Here are some fun throwback pics from the last year!
A year ago today, I was in the in-between. I had just turned 30 the day before {I still stare at this picture and look into my own eyes and want to tell myself to buckle up—there is something about my smile that is just so NAIVE!}. We had had a normal, quiet celebration at home. It would be a normal, mundane day. The details of which I cannot remember {other than eating ice cream cake for breakfast}. I remember being really tired that night {more than normal for a pregnancy, I guess} and going to bed at 8:30 or 9.
Four hours later I would wake up with really bad heartburn. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, grabbed a few Tums and chewed them on my way back into bed. I laid down, and as I was pulling the covers back up I felt a huge gush! I lowered the covers to see what it was and SAW the second huge gush and that it was clear fluid.
I shook Jason awake, calm but simultaneously FRANTIC {I knew it was my water}. He helped me back into the bathroom where I continued to gush fluid. I said, “We have to go in right now.” I tried calling my parents. It was 4am in NY. No answer. I called again. No answer. I called my mother-in-law. She picked up, concern in her voice. “My water just broke. We’re going in.” She said she would meet us there. I got changed. Black yoga pants. My black fleece. My gray slippers. A blue three-quarter sleeve stretchy shirt. {Side note: I wouldn’t let anyone take the outfit home. The entire time I was in the hospital it hung in my closet. I wanted it to be the outfit I wore OUT of the hospital. It was—NOT my fav pic, but it illustrates my point}.
The drive to the hospital was a short 5 minutes. Jason dropped me at the door so that he could go and park. I walked up to the desk {it all seems so surreal now—like I should have been running and yelling or something} and calmly said, “I think my water just broke. I’m 23 weeks pregnant.”
I remember the young girl’s expression going from somewhat uninterested {after all I looked like any other schlep walking in to the ER in the middle of the night—not bleeding, crying, or yelling} to on high alert. She picked up the phone immediately and said, “I’m going to need someone immediately from L&D.” Before she finished taking my information, a young twenty-somethings nurse dude came out from the automatic doors pushing a wheel chair.
It was for me.
“Oh, okay.” I thought. I see what you’re doing here. You’re taking this seriously. So this is serious. Okay. I mean. I knew it. But when they knew it {and they were the professional checker-inners}, it made it seem more serious. And then it just got more serious from there.
Side note: I remember starting to cry as they wheeled me down the hall into Labor and Delivery. I had toured that hospital only a few months before and had pictured “this day” as something different entirely. More jolly. And exciting. And less terrifying. And more timely? Or something.
The first nurse came in and started asking questions. She was NO NONSENSE, ALL BUSINESS and somewhat intimidating. I remember her saying, “I’m so sorry that this has happened.” And something about “24 weeks being viability.” I didn’t know what that meant as far as what they would do for Liam if he tried to come that night. I wanted her to tell me he would be okay. That they would save him. I thought he was coming. I thought for sure he was coming. Babies come when your water breaks, right?
The doctor tested the fluid and confirmed that it was, in fact, amniotic fluid. {While I continued to gush on the exam table}. She was a resident that they had awoken from some sort of deep slumber. She looked very sorry too. She told me so.
While the doctor and nurses were in and out we got a hold of my childhood friend from NY who kindly offered to go over to my parents’ house in the middle of the night in the middle of winter to give them the news that my water had broken in the middle of my pregnancy.
No one wants to hear a knock on their door at 4 am. No one wants to be the one knocking. It was very kind of her and that’s how we got in touch with my parents to let them know what had happened.
After the medical team had concluded that my water had broken and that I was neither contracting nor dilated, they brought me to my very own room on the L&D hall. Little did I know I would return to that hall {after “living” in one other one for 44 days} to recover from delivery at 29 weeks and 5 days. I met Jan, my very first nurse, and she prepared me for what was to come with all of the antibiotics {to prevent infection} and steroids {to help Liam’s lungs}. My mother in law arrived. She sat with us and brought some calm and comfort to the situation. We were quiet a lot. I was cold and shivery a lot. I had to pee a lot {which was difficult since I was now hooked up to all sorts of wires and machines}.
After a few hours they said they had to move me over to PCSU {my “real” home}. My mother in law headed home. Jason went to move the car to a more “permanent” location. I cried as they wheeled me there. The halls were empty and quiet. A few staff members passed me and looked down at me with obligatory/awkward half-smiles. When Jan left, I was scared. I wanted her to stay with me. I cried and said, “I wish you could stay as my nurse.” She looked back and said, “Oh, you will be just fine.” I could tell she wanted to say more—and that she was concerned for me. But she left it at that.
It was somewhere around 5 or 6 am on January 18th.
That was the beginning of the craziest 100 days of our lives. And this…THIS GUY…{my real life Superman} is the amazing result. Such a miracle and such a blessing. It’s pretty cool to be on the other side of this story now that we know how it ended.
I am reminded that God is always good. That God is always in control. And that He always knows what He is doing. Never once does He slumber. Never once does He “sleep on the job.” He has been exceedingly gracious and kind to me and to my family and I worship Him alone and give Him glory alone.
8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.9 The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. 10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD; your saints will extol you. 11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, 12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. 13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. 14 The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. 15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. 16 You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. 17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. 18 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. 20 The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. 21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever. {Psalm 145:8-21}
Here is my first post that I wrote after being admitted to the Hospital. It was entitled, “Moving into the Hospital.” Little did I know…
{Side note: I am going to TRY and reblog each day’s post from last year on the date that I wrote it so I can remember the journey now that I’m on this side of it. This is mostly for my own interest because I want to remember all that God did, but feel free to join me if you’d like!}
Well, I figured it was time to update our blog family as well, since I’m not connected to you all through Facebook and you wouldn’t otherwise know what’s going on. We post to petition your prayers…
Yesterday morning, January 18th at 1am, my water completely, and unexpectedly broke. We rushed to the hospital to have this confirmed. During testing I continued to gush fluids. Doctors immediately began running tests on fluids, doing an ultrasound, monitoring fetal heartbeat and pumping in antibiotics and steroids. I was 23 weeks, 4 days. “Viability” is 24 weeks. For me, that will be Monday, January 21st.
I have now made it 34 hours with no signs of labor. My cervix is completely closed, no contractions, and no indications of infection. I’ve also had no more gushing since yesterday early morning. Jesus is answering our prayers.
Statistically, the situation is very serious. 50% of women go into labor within 48 hours of water breaking, and 90% go into labor within a week. If I were to deliver Liam before Monday, his chance of survival is as low as 10% with 100% chance of serious birth defects. If I make it past Monday, his survival chance goes up to 60% and risk of defect down to 30%. The main concern is pulmonary and whether his little lungs would be able to respond to intubation. Next concern would be hemorrhaging of the brain during labor.
That being said, my doctors {who have been hand selected by God and so unbelievably amazing, knowledgable, honest and yet encouraging}, are cautiously optimistic. It is FANTASTIC that I’m not presenting any signs of labor. It’s wonderful that Liam is continuing to have strong vitals and movement. I’m feeling him all the time and his little heartbeat is staying in the 150′s. I thought I had for sure lost all of my fluid, but the ultrasound indicated I still have a small amount-which is wonderful news. Additionally, I’ve not had any more gushing, which means that the fluids that were lost are being replenished. There have been no signs of infection, which is very important. Liam’s cranium actually measured yesterday at 24w3d. And most importantly, he weighed in at 590 grams or 1lb5oz, which exceeds the ideal minimum of 500 grams for the intubation tube. His size is a little bit advanced for his gestational age. Go, Liam, go!
Here is how you can specifically pray for our situation. We are overwhelmed by the prayer support and thank you for bringing Liam’s life and health before our Father in heaven!
Please pray that:
*I would not begin contracting especially before Monday, and for many weeks to come
*I would not develop any infection
*My membranes would reseal and completely replenish the amniotic fluid and sterile, safe environment for Liam
*Liam’s vitals would remain strong and there would be no fetal distress or sudden death
*Steroids and antibiotics would do exactly what they are supposed to do
*Doctors and nurses would be
given wisdom and would be agents of God in both mine and Liam’s care
*God would miraculously grow Liam more quickly than normal
*I would be in this hospital room for months to come, making it to at least 34 weeks
*Liam, Jason and I are able to rest
*God would provide financial favor through insurance and remainder of costs
*God would grant grace and peace for Jason as he sits by my side and for us both as we face the long journey ahead
*Many people would see Jesus through Liam’s story, including those we meet here at the hospital
Thank you.
Been singing this to my sweet boy this morning:
“No guilt in life
No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry
To final breath
JESUS COMMANDS YOUR DESTINY.”
We are at peace knowing that our Father loves Liam more than we ever can and that every day for Liam is numbered by the King of kings and Lord of lords. The one who IS love. The one who IS faithfulness. The one who IS goodness. To Jesus be all the glory.
Well, if you’ve visited the blog at all lately, you’ve noticed that I have not been able to keep up with the initial “Amazing Grace” schedule that I set. As much as I love to spend the time writing the posts, I’m just unable to keep that schedule right now with the holidays coming and with some exciting new adventures that I’ve got going. This doesn’t mean it’s not ever going to happen. Just that it’s gonna be on hold until at least after the New Year. I’m still really excited to explore each of the aspects of the Works-Based and Grace-Based wheels as well as share the Real Life Evidences of Graces stories that I’ve got in the vault. But until then, I’ll probably just be posting shorter things like updates on our little Warrior {like he’s 5.3 seconds away from crawling and is almost 9 months old!!!}, fun things going on during the holidays AND my new business adventure with Origami Owl.
Hope you all have had a wonderful weekend. Thanks for grace and for understanding. I’m sorry for not following through on my proposed schedule!
Please excuse my absence this past Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday on the blog. We had some exciting things going on…Liam’s first Halloween {Clark Kent}, his 8 month birthday {Holy Crapola}, and my parents arriving from NY after driving for four days.
I wanted to let you know that all of the posts will be updated by tonight {Sunday, 11/3}. In fact, I’ve already posted Week 2’s Memory Verse as well as Real Life Evidence of Grace #3: Illness. I’m finishing up last Wednesday’s post and hope to have it up by tonight.
Then this week, Week 3: Unbelief, will resume as scheduled starting tomorrow, Monday, November 4.
Hope you’ve had a great weekend. And happy November! Enjoy these fun pics:
We are in the “Amazing Grace?” series.
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Every Friday I will be sharing a “Real Life Evidence of Grace” Story with you. {Please forgive my delay in getting this one to you. I explained where was was last week here}. My heart behind these posts is to address the question that so many of us {believers and non} seem to have. “How could a good God let something so horrible happen?” Here’s a chance for you to read the stories of people who actually have had to personally wrestle with that question in the midst of their heartache, grief, disappointments, and loss or in dealing with the consequences of sin {their own sin or the sin of someone else}.
Because of the intensely personal nature of these Friday posts, I have chosen to disable comments. Out of respect to my friends who have chosen to share, I wanted to provide a place for them to do so without opening it up to potentially difficult or offensive responses. While that has NEVER happened on this blog because my readers are rad, I don’t even want to leave that open as a possibility. If this post strikes a cord with you and you would like to share some thoughts, ask some questions, or just contact me you can reach me at contactmcmiracle@gmail.com.
This is the sweet story of a sweet, encouraging, faithful sister in Christ who faced a very serious, life-threatening illness several years ago. I am very thankful to her for being willing to share her story with you.
1. Please briefly share your story.
Several years ago I suffered an unexpected ruptured brain aneurysm and as a result faced 11 hours of brain surgery.
2. What did your relationship with Jesus look like when this happened?
Up until I faced a health crisis that almost took me off of the earth, I barely gave God a second thought because I was too busy with career and selfish ambition. In an instant, my corner of the world suffered an apocalyptic moment.
3. What were some of the emotions/doubts you felt toward God and some of the questions/thoughts you had?
I had one of those “shaking the fist toward heaven” moments after I felt my world was shattered and I recall asking Him, “If You are really there, God, then why did you allow me to live?” I never wanted to be a burden to anyone and I felt like a tremendous burden to everyone I loved. My husband was a faithful believer and I guess I was sort of a one-day-a-week Christian, where you worshipped God in the pew of the church but didn’t give Him a second thought the rest of the week.
4. What lies did God expose that you were believing about Him, you, your future, etc? {i.e.: How did God work you through your natural emotions/response to this situation?}
At almost the exact moment of my “shaking the fist” moment, the telephone began to ring and it was my mother. I told her that I had shattered the bedroom light, that I was totally useless and she began to praise God. She said, “You are not useless, you are an answer to our prayers. Yesterday, you didn’t have the strength to get off of the bed and today you are breaking things! Praise God, He has answered this mom’s prayers.”
My mother went on to explain that literally hundreds of people {even strangers} had been praying for my recovery and she told me to focus on “one step at a time.”
5. What truth did God replace the lies with?
The Truth is that God believes I am worth it. Worth sending His One and Only so that I may truly live.
When my eyes were opened to “see” that, how could I quit before I reached the finish line? It took nearly 9 months to recover to the point of being able to take care of myself again.
6. What has God’s grace looked like for you walking out of this? {i.e.: How would you summarize what God did/is doing to have Himself/His grace be sufficient for you?}
I’d like to say that every day His Grace is sufficient but because I am only human, there are still some days that are so much harder than others. When family members fall ill or sudden death slips someone from my reach, it’s harder to just let His Grace soften those blows. Especially if there is a nagging question mark when someone asks me if they knew Jesus and if they were saved. God Grace has opened my eyes to see that I should evangelize to others, but if their heart isn’t ripe to receive the Holy Spirit, then I need to leave it up to Him and just shake the dust from my high heels.
7. What does your relationship with Jesus look like now? {How is it different/stronger than before?}
I believe when we accept Jesus as Lord over our lives, we are given gifts from the Holy Spirit. It took me awhile to “open” my gift of encouragement. I pray for others, daily. I have found as I use my gift, I receive more than I could ever give in return. I would encourage all believers to focus on their gifts and use them for God’s glory.
We are in the “Amazing Grace?” series.
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This week we have been talking about Knowledge. On Monday, I wrote about how essential it is that we KNOW that God loves us. If you missed the post, you can find it here. Yesterday, I proposed a few questions for you to journal through related to knowledge. You can find those questions here. Today we will be taking a look at a few of your survey responses related to knowledge and God’s love for us.
For each response, I would like to present you with truth from Scripture related to the statement, as well as some thoughts/quotes related to the topic. My hope, as we’ve already discussed, is for us to KNOW what truth is an no longer be ignorant {as we discussed last week}. In the “Works Wheel” ignorance leads to unbelief which leads to apathy, disobedience and hiding.
Works Wheel
Conversely, when we know the truth, knowledge leads to faith, which leads to love, obedience and abiding.
Grace Wheel
So here were four of your survey responses related to knowledge {in order of most popular to least}:
1. I struggle to find my place in Christian community. {41% of you}
I’m so glad so many of you were honest about this one. Why? Because I think community is vital to your walk as a Christian and I am thankful for the opportunity to present the case as to why. I think before we can “find our place” we have to understand WHAT community is. We have to KNOW. For the purpose of this post, I am going to focus on two aspects of Christian community:
A. The Church
Verse:
“You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” {1 Peter 2:9-12}
Definition of church by Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears from Vintage Church:
“The local church is a community of regenerated believers who confess Jesus Christ as Lord. In obedience to Scripture they organize under qualified leadership, gather regularly for preaching and worship, observe the biblical sacraments of baptism and Communion, are unified by the Spirit, are disciplined for holiness, and scatter to fulfill the Great Commission as missionaries to the world for God’s glory and their joy.”
B. Small Groups/Bible Study/Community {whatever your church calls it}
Verse:
Definition:
In conclusion, if you say you love Jesus, you cannot say you do not love the church. The church is the Bride of Christ. He loves her. He died for her. He comes again for her. I pray whatever bad experiences, whatever false notions, and whatever me-centered thinking we have would go out the window so that we could love the church as Christ loved the church, give ourselves up for her, and bring glory to Him in a dark world that desperately needs Jesus.
“The world will not recover from the community of God’s people living lives to glorify Jesus.” {Bill Clem, “It’s All About Jesus: Community“}
2. There are things that I know in my head about God that have no impact on how I live each day. {37% of you}
d
3. I try and fix my relationship with Jesus. {33% of you}
d
4. I have a hard time understanding grace on a daily basis. {27% of you}
We are in the “Amazing Grace?” series.
For more posts, click on “
Blog Series” > “Amazing Grace?”
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Here are the previous verses for review:
Overall Series Verse:
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things. {Romans 8:32}
Intro Week:
By the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. {Romans 5:19b}
Week 1: {IGNORANCE}
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance. {1 Peter 1:13-14}
Week 2: {KNOWLEDGE} ***Today’s Verse***
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” {Proverbs 1:7a}
Today’s post is coming, but will be delayed. Hope you’ll check back this afternoon. 🙂
Sorry for the confusion today…I think my draft posted several times before I was finished. I was in and out today and was unable to finish the post. It will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for your patience! 🙂
We are in the “Amazing Grace?” series. For more posts, click on “ Blog Series” > “Amazing Grace?” in the menu bar above.
Yesterday we talked about “Knowledge.” I proposed to you that the most important thing you need to know in your life is that God loves you. If you missed the post, you can check it out here. I also proposed that NOT knowing that God loves us stems from ignorance, which I blogged about last week. Being uncertain about God’s love for you struck a cord with many of you in our interactive survey that we did at the beginning of the series, so we will address those specific statements tomorrow. For today, I wanted to present you with some questions to journal through. I’m praying for you.
1. Why do you believe that God doesn’t love you? Where has this feeling originated?
2. In light of my comment yesterday that the evidence of God’s love for you is the cross, what changes about your understanding of His love?
3. If the cross of Christ was not sufficient for God to prove His love for you, what would He need to do to “play by your rules” and prove it to you?
4. Does your answer to #4 reveal any idols or distortions in your identity {ie: things that you worship or seek out more than Jesus}? Does it reveal a desire in your heart to be a little “g” god and control your life or others’ lives?
5. Is there anything that you need to repent of to the Lord?
We are in the “Amazing Grace?” series.
For more posts, click on “
Blog Series” > “Amazing Grace?”
in the menu bar above.
Knowledge is the first spoke in the “Grace Wheel.”
Grace Wheel
There is one thing that I think you need to know today that is the foundation of everything else in your entire life.
God loves you.
Please take some time in prayer before you listen to this:
That’s all. God loves you. That’s it.
And yet it’s EVERYTHING.
Don’t gloss over it because you’ve heard it a thousand times.
Don’t doubt it because you “feel” like he doesn’t.
Don’t miss it.
Dive back into the truth of God’s love and remind yourself of it. Every day. Knowing that God loves you is the beginning of EVERYTHING. If you believe it, you will respond in faith, love, obedience and abiding. But, my friends…if you doubt it, that is the beginning of unbelief, apathy, disobedience and hiding.
So we start here. If you don’t know that He loves you, this might be a good week to start addressing why. And if you remember last week we talked about “Ignorance“—not knowing what God says in His Word. If you don’t see the Bible as God’s love story of redemption for you that led from the garden to the cross—if you don’t know the story of Jesus written in that book from cover to cover, well then I pray that you will. I pray that you will open your Bible and find out.
This week I pray that you will know that God loves you.
He gave you evidence of His love, you know? Romans says that God demonstrated his love for you in this, that Christ died for you, while you were yet a sinner. {Romans 5:8} His offer of salvation whispered from the bloody cross wasn’t for you AFTER you cleaned yourself up or AFTER you got your life “on track.” No, it was right in the midst of the mess.
Knowing this is EVERYTHING. This is the gospel. Don’t overlook it. This is what Paul talks about as being “of first importance: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.” {1 Corinthians 15:3-4}
The evidence of God’s love for you is the cross.
If knowing that is not “enough,” then nothing else will be.
I will close with the final chapter of the book I have been working through this last month, “Comforts from Romans” by Elyse Fitzpatrick {and the inspiration for this blog series. This is a long excerpt from “Day 32: pp.141-4”, but a powerful one so I hope you will take the time to carefully read each word of truth.
“‘For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ {Romans 8:38-39}
From the very beginning of time, God determined to love us. He knew all about our sin—our unbelief, our pride, our idolatry, our fear, and our selfishness. Still, he determined to love us and make us his own. He knew about our sin before it existed, and yet it pleased him to create a world like ours and rule sovereignly over Adam’s fall so that his mercy and the love and perfection of his Son would be celebrated. God was not the author of that dreadful sin, but he ruled sovereignly over it in order to accomplish all his good will and gain glory for himself.
Our sin will not separate us from God’s love, because his love was predetermined before we sinned, and even our sin functions to make his love look more glorious.
We are completely, thoroughly, fully, and freely known and loved and completely free to rest in that love. Suspend your unbelief. Silence your inner slave driver. Allow yourself one minute of ecstasy. He will love you. He will have you for his own. He will draw you near to himself. He will bless you. Enjoy his love. Receive it. Relish it. Delight in it. Dance!
Listen to all the negatives that Paul uses to make his point about the never-ending-ness of the Father’s love: neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from God’s love. If I were Paul’s editor, I would have insisted that he clump all those ‘nors’ into a more concise list, but that’s not what the Spirit had in mind. The Spirit wants to blow your mind, to shake you up, to move you out of your apathetic complacency and cringing fear and self-absorption. He wants to overwhelm you, because otherwise you’ll continue to naval-gaze and list-make and try to pull the wagon of your self-improvement on down the glory road to the nirvana of self-approval. So he piles it on, redundantly, over and over again, trying to shake you free and loose you from all that you think you know about how love works.
Niether, nor, nor, nor, nor, nor, nor, nor, nor, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ten times ‘nor’—ten times. The Spirit finishes this list with “…and in case you try and cram something else onto the list that you think I missed, not that either.’ Perhaps you will read this aloud with me now, praying that the Spirit will grant you grace to believe {FAITH—WE WILL READDRESS THIS IN WEEK 4}.
‘When I die, while I am here dying daily, I will not be separated from him. No matter what happens when I face death, no matter how my faith may waver, I will not be separated from him as I walk through that dark river, and his loving hand will draw me up from those waters and his arms will embrace me.’
‘While I live, nothing can separate me from his love. On the days that I forget him, on the days when I doubt, on the days when I rejoice and believe, nothing will separate me from his love and nothing will affect his love for me in any way.’
‘There is no angel—not Lucifer, not any seen or unseen spiritual being—who has more power than the power of God’s love. Satan cannot tempt me to sin in such a way that I will be cut off from God’s love, nor can he accuse me or point out my sin in such a way that it will make God stop loving me.’
‘There is no ruler—political or spiritual or otherwise—that has the authority to cut me off from God’s love. They can all make all the pronouncements they want. They can say that God is dead and that I cannot worship him. They can assign me to the depth of the earth’s dungeons, and there I will find the sweetest of wines from the hands of the Savior, who loves me and suffers with me.’
There is nothing in existence now in this entire universe that is able to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Not cell phones, oak trees, oceans, stock markets, microbes, bacteria, political movements, faithless churches, powerful cults, or sin—mine or others’—that can separate me from his love.’
‘Nothing that exists in this entire universe will be able to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus. There is no sin, no temptation, no trial, no disaster, no election, no bank failure, no sickness, no treachery, no debauchery, no darkness, and no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.’
‘There is no political, military, monetary, or ecclesiastical power and, most importantly, no willpower {not mine or others’} that will ever be powerful enough to overcome and defeat God’s commitment to love me forever.’
‘There is no ruler over or above this earth that is able to separate me from God’s love. There is nothing invisible, nothing in the heavens, and nothing on any planet or star or nebula that is more powerful than God’s love.’
‘There is nothing beneath this earth, not all the power of hell itself, that will ever be able to defeat God’s love for me. Hell’s gates crumble when assaulted by a fierce love like this.’
‘And just in case anything has been missed, just in case I can think of something or have a suspicion that I’ve missed something, there is nothing else in all creation–nothing else—that will be able to separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’
Have you heard the good news? Do you know that you are loved? Has he made you sure? If not, then pray now that you would be.
In all our trials—in tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger, sword, and martyrdom—we are more than conquerors because we are beloved sons and daughters with whom he is well pleased, and because he loves us he turns everything—even suffering and death—into good. We are not at the mercy of anything in the universe. And even in our death we have victory, because death itself has been swallowed up in the life of the love of the Father.
‘This is great news. This is the best news you’ve ever heard. You can bank on this news. It is the sure word of God to you. “I love you. I always have. I always will.” Believe and rejoice in that love!'”
M C M I R A C L E 