Baby and Belly Growth Weeks 6 to 9

Today is all about the photos.

Here’s baby growing over the course of three weeks. The top photo is at 6w1d, the middle is 7w1d, and the bottom is 8w3d! Wow. Pretty amazing.

And then here’s my belly at week 6, 7, and 8:

Here’s the difference between weeks 6 and 9 {four weeks}:

And the difference between weeks 8 and 9:

I recognize that many of you have been pregnant, or have seen pregnant women before. So this may not awe you as much as it awes me. But I just cannot believe that there is a life inside of me AND that it is growing so quickly. My only response is worship.

Stop by tomorrow, and I’ll tell you about my secret project for the baby! It’s a book that includes weekly growth, pictures, and prayers for our Sweet Pea!

Our First Ultrasound

 

Warning: this post might contain TMI moments {too much information} for the men or the weak-hearted.

It was Monday, September 17th. I was six weeks exactly. It had been over two weeks since my blood beta test. My first ultrasound was scheduled for that Thursday, the 20th. I had had some light spotting the previous week and some bright red bleeding two days before. But the doctor said that if it stopped, she wasn’t concerned and thought I could wait until my scheduled ultrasound on the 20th. So it was about 5pm on that Monday. I stood up to take my first “Pregnancy Belly” photo and I felt it. A warm gush. A heavy warm gush.

I rushed to the bathroom, and blood just started falling. Gushing. Huge clots. I’d never bled like that before. I immediately went numb. I didn’t cry. I didn’t yell. I just sat there in disbelief. Jason was with me. We just knew I was miscarrying.

We were devastated.

The bleeding continued throughout the night. It definitely tapered off, but it was very scary. I called my doctor and she said I needed to come in for an emergency ultrasound first thing the following morning. I was relieved to know I’d be able to go in that soon, but devastated.

That night Jason and I laid in bed crying. Worshipping. Singing songs to Jesus. Asking Him to prepare our hearts. Neither one of us wanted to fall asleep because we didn’t want the morning to come. I literally no longer felt pregnant. It seemed like my symptoms had gone away. If I was a betting woman, I’da told you there was no way the baby had survived.

We woke up the next morning and drove to the doctor’s office. Long drive. 5 minutes away. I cried from the parking lot into the car. I cried while I sat and waited to be called back. I cried as we followed the nurse to the room. She said, “Dr. ____ will be right in.” It was our doctor. I didn’t know he was working at our office that day. I thought, “That’s kind of God. He is giving us our doctor to break the bad news to us. That’s gracious of Him.” I cried while I sat on the table waiting for him to knock. He walked in and I was crying.

He saw my face and his face fell.
He said, “Heavy bleeding?”
I said, “Super heavy. With at least 5 big clots.”
He said, “Okay. Well I will be honest with you. I’ll say it just like it is. I won’t give you any false hope.”
I said, “Okay.”
Jason sat holding my hand, face blank.

He began the ultrasound. My eyes were locked on the screen. The moment that it registered in my mind that there was something on the screen was the same moment {within seconds of beginning} that my doctor exclaimed:

I have a heart beat!!!

It was like he couldn’t get it out fast enough. It was like he was holding his breath as much as we were. It was like he was invested and he really cared. It was a miracle. We couldn’t believe it. Jason said, “What???” and just started laughing. I said, “Are you serious? Oh my God. Oh my God.” I was literally calling out to Him. I could not believe what I was hearing. We were completely and totally surprised, as well as undone, overjoyed, and thankful beyond words.

That’s when he said, “there’s a second gestational sac here. You had a twin. This sac is collapsing. That would explain the bleeding.”

It’s so hard to describe the emotions of those moments. We went from being sure that we had miscarried and that the doctor would find nothing…to a heartbeat…to the loss of a twin. I asked a bazillion questions. All of them were essentially fishing for any remnant of hope that Baby B would hang on. But he didn’t see anything in the sac. Not only did it look like it was collapsing, there was no fetal pole and no yolk sac. He said, “this is not a viable pregnancy.”

Man. Intense. Parenting is intense.

Your heart is vulnerable when you love so deeply. But I’d have it no other way. It wasn’t a “at least you still have one” situation. And our doctor knew it. He congratulated us on Baby A, but gave his condolences for Baby B. He knows we cared about all of them. He knows this wasn’t a toss them up to the wind and hope one sticks sort of situation.

That was a hard day. Such joy. And such sorrow. You don’t want to overlook the miracle of Baby A. You don’t want to diminish the joy or the miracle in that. You don’t want to ignore the child that is growing in your stomach. And at the very same time, you don’t want to diminish the grief or the sorrow with Baby B. You don’t want to ignore the child that is no longer growing in your stomach. And you don’t want to forget Baby C. The baby that was never seen, but certainly existed. Man. {In the ultrasound picture below you can see the “collapsing sac” of Baby B—our only evidence that he/she made it 6 weeks—to the top right of Baby A}.

All I can say is I did not know how to walk forward. I did not know how to address and handle my emotions. But God has walked with us. He has faithfully walked with us.

“But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:’Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'” (Isaiah 43:1-3)

And, here is the joyful part, friend. Here is the picture of our tiny little Sweet Pea. This is the very first time we laid eyes on him/her. His/her heart was beating at 118 beats per minute. The doctor said it was perfect. His/her size was 4.8 mm, which was also perfect. My heart still melts every time I think of that moment. Every time I remember hearing, “I have a heartbeat!!!” Every time I close my eyes and picture seeing something on that ultrasound screen. So grateful. So unbelievably grateful.

Before we left the doctor’s office, he said that he would be taking me off of the 3x’s a day progesterone suppositories and switching me over to a daily intramuscular progesterone in oil shot. Oh boy. Please, please come back on Monday for that story. It’s a doozie.