His Name Is…

We feel like it’s a pretty big deal to name a human being. I mean, a name sticks. It’s a forever sort of thing.

We have been talking about names for years. And, in particular, we’ve been talking about names for the last five months in preparation for this day. And in preparation for the day when we would actually meet our son. And name him. And whisper hello to that sweet boy for the very first time. By name. It will sound a little something like this:

“Hello, Liam John.”

Liam means “willful protector.” Or “helmeted one.” {Jason likes that part}. “Willful protector.” We would love to see him be a protector of the gospel. A protector of his siblings, if he has any. We’d love to see him grow to be a protector of his wife and children someday. A protector of women and children and the weak and marginalized. “Helmeted one.” Perhaps a starter for the Seahawks? Sure!

John means “God/Jehovah has been gracious.” He certainly has. It’s very fitting. Yes, when Liam enters this world we will have waited five and a half years to meet him. But let’s not forget that Liam has waited for eleven years to meet us. And to meet this world. Let’s not forget that he was cryogenically frozen for over a decade. God HAS been gracious. In choosing Liam to live. In choosing us to be His parents. In choosing to make us a family.

So that’s his name.

Liam John McKenzie.

We love it. We love him. We’ve put a lot of thought into it. And we think it’s perfect. And, of course, we can’t wait to see what he thinks.

I’m really excited to share so much with you this week. If you can believe it, our nursery is ALMOST finished. My parents were HGTV wanna-be superstars while they were here and we knocked it out like it was our job. It came out more amazing than I could have imagined. Here’s a sneak peek at the colors…

I’ll show you all of our little projects, including the wall above the dresser and changing table that has Liam’s initial in the middle of all the names of God. It came out better than we could have imagined. I also will show you our bright yellow paint projects, what I did with a little duct tape and some letters, and also my glue gun and button project. I’ll show you how we decided to organize his closet and drawers too! We had so much fun.

Then, hopefully next week I’ll get to show you some of the pictures from our gender reveal party and the details for how we planned that. Lots of fun stuff coming up on mcmiracle.

And today is 22 weeks! 18 more to go! This week baby Liam is almost 11″ long from crown to heel and he’s weighing in just under one pound. His sense of touch and sight are developing further. This means he’s working on his grip and probably playing with the umbilical cord for practice. His sense of sight, though his eyes are sealed, is also growing stronger. And he’s moving around like a champ! This past week while on the phone with a friend, he did some sort of acrobatic somersault into the corner of the womb so much so that my belly became lopsided and hard! It was his head or a butt for sure. So unbelievably cool! I pushed back on him and he swam away. Maybe the “helmet” will be a swim cap? Who knows.

See you back here tomorrow!

A First with My Kid

So I had a moment with my kid last night.

A “first” moment with my kid. The first of a lifetime of moments.

Jason had run to the store. It was almost 10 pm. I was sitting on the couch with the dogs watching TV and I started to feel some pretty pronounced kicks. I’ve been feeling them pretty frequently now over the last four weeks. In fact, earlier that night at Jason’s family’s Christmas party I had felt the kick from the outside for the first time {meaning I felt the kick while my hand was on my belly}. It was pretty exciting.

But last night on the couch, I started to feel the kicking, so I paused the TV and put my hand on my belly and applied a little pressure. Punch. So I pushed again. Kick. More pressure. Kick. And it went on like this for the next five minutes. It was one of the sweetest moments of my entire life. Our first exchange back and forth. Our first moment together. Responding to one another. It was surreal.

I just sat there with this huge grin and crocodile tears streaming down my face. Of course, Brody pup had to climb up on me because he wanted to make sure I was okay. I was like, “DOG! Scoot on down the way. We’re having a moment here!”

There haven’t been a lot of moments like that yet, and the baby definitely hasn’t kicked/punched for an extended period of time with that force. I’ll never forget that moment. He/she also has been having marathon wiggling sessions at church for the last two weeks. He/she must like the worship and preaching. Go Holy Spirit, go! Prepare our sweet child for a lifetime of worshipping Jesus. Go ahead and start in the womb!

So that’s it. That was my first moment with my kid. I had to share. I woke up at 5am this morning my time with a huge grin on my face and just had to write it out for keeping. Keeping forever.

In other news, I’m nineteen weeks today. Next week is exactly halfway.

Wow. Amazing. I’ll never be able to reiterate enough how much your prayers have meant to our family. So many of you have encouraged us deeply along the way in your faithful prayers. We love you. Thank you.

I’d love to share some pregnancy/baby updates with you this week including a very vivid dream I had last week, updated belly photos  from week 10-19, our ultrasound pictures from 13 weeks, the baby’s heartbeat (if I can figure out how to do that), and upcoming appointments. We also put up our crib and have some basic plans in place for our nursery, which I’d love to share with you.

If you would like to get caught up on our pregnancy, you can click on “Blog Series” at the top of the page and scroll to the “We Are Pregnant” series, OR you can click on “Embryo Adoption” at the top of the page as well for a timeline.

Have a great week, everyone! Almost a week until Christmas!!!!

I pray that your heart is filled with joy as you worship our King who humbled Himself, coming as an infant in a lowly manger on a rescue mission to save you {and I} from sin and death.

O HOLY NIGHT!

{I’ll be posting the 5th and final “Back to Basics: Gospel Grace 5” post later today}.

In Memory

We are the proud parents of five very special, very sweet…Sweet Peas.

That’s how we look at it. Since everything that is needed to create human life is present at conception, we believe that is when life starts. So as we’ve discussed before, we love each one of our Sweet Peas. All five of them.

We love these two:

And we love these three:

We love all of them. Individually and authentically.

We felt called to adopt these specific embryos. We thank God for the privilege of being their parents. And we grieve the loss of four of their lives that happened before we ever held them. They are forever a part of our family. They could have grown up to be anything they wanted to be. We pray that they would have grown up to love and serve Jesus.

We were willing to have however many babies God gave us. Secretly, I had always hoped for twins. Even as a small girl. I remember talking to my mom when I was little and asking, “Mommy, I want twins. Can I ever have twins?” Because none ran in our family, she thought it would be a long shot. So when we began this fertility journey, to me it seemed like twins were more of a possibility than they ever were. The reality is that God is the author of life. If us giving birth to twins or triplets was a part of His plan, He would have made it happen. And this time, for at least six weeks, I was the momma of twins. We lost Baby B at 6 weeks and we were devastated.

So, this post is to honor the ones that didn’t survive. By God’s grace, we have one beautiful baby growing strong in my belly 9 weeks old! But as far as the other four go…I don’t know what we would have named them. Or what they would have looked like. I don’t know when they would have first giggled or rolled over or crawled for the first time. I don’t have a date for their first tooth or their first step or their first day of kindergarden. We won’t be able to sit at their sporting events or band concerts or awards ceremonies. We won’t get to hear them worship Jesus and we won’t get to see them go to their first prom, drive away in their first car, or walk down the aisle with the love of their life.

That makes us sad. We wanted to do all of that. Wanted to do it all so very badly. So we grieve.

Ultimately, our hearts have peace. Ultimately, we trust Jesus. Ultimately, we believe they are with Him. And ultimately we believe our family will be whole and reunited one day.

But today we remember our four babies that didn’t survive. You are loved. Not just by us, but by so many. Until then…

1 “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ 5 And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ 6 And he said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.'” {Revelation 21:1-7}

Telling the Family

It was Sunday, September 2nd. My parents landed that evening. They were flying in to be with us when we received the transfer results. As far as they knew, I was going in for my blood test results the following day. They had no idea that we had taken any home pregnancy tests.

We picked them up in the airport. We got their bags. We walked out to the car. When we popped the trunk there was a wall hanging that said, “Nana” on it. They both looked confused. They thought I was getting ahead of myself, so they didn’t want to get too excited. That’s when I said, “I’m pregnant.” My dad hugged me for a long time and my mom started jumping up and down. Then she shared a story about a little four year-old girl in church that morning that saw her walk into the room and out of no where said, “Grandma just came in the room.” Here it is:

Then, we drove straight to Jason’s family’s house. It was 10:30 so they weren’t expecting us. We knocked on the door and when his mom opened the door we showed her the home pregnancy test. Then she yelled for Angie to come down too! It was dark outside, so you can’t see much, but you don’t need to! Here it is:

On Monday night, September 3rd {after we had confirmed blood test results!!!} we asked the family to come over for prayer. That’s when we told Perry Jr. and Tember as well as Natalie and Monica.

Then, that night we also skyped with Jason’s sister Mindy and husband, Justin, in Texas and {sorta} surprised them {she had an idea since we said we wanted to Skype}. First we told Mindy a long story about trying to get our blood drawn, and then she asked, “So you’ll find out tomorrow?” And then we showed her a knit baby hat that Angie had made that was laying on Kate’s belly. She knew right away what that meant! And of course, she started crying! See video below.

We also called Jason’s brother, Cody, in CA and Dad and told them over the phone. Everyone was so excited and so thankful. This baby has a BIG HUGE AMAZING FAMILY waiting for it.

It’s been amazing, really. And humbling. We have been realizing just how much our babies are loved by others too. Not just us. So many of you have prayed so faithfully for them. So many of you are rejoicing with us {sincerely rejoicing}. We feel overwhelmed by it and ill-deserving. Thank you for being on this journey with us. Thank you for grieving and praying and weeping and singing and  kneeling and crying and clapping and dancing and….ALL OF IT. Thank you.

The Double Line

It exists. It really really exists.

I didn’t think it did. I’ve easily taken three dozen tests over the last five years and come up blank every time. I’ve tried multiple brands. I’ve tried it in the morning. In the afternoon. In the evening. Never. Never ever have I even seen the tiniest hint of a second line. The double line.

On Friday, August 31st I bought three First Response Early Result tests. I went about my day meeting up with some friends and running some errands. The plan was for Jason and I to take the test together the next day. But I literally could not wait. Part of it was that I have always sort of pictured being able to surprise Jason with the great news as opposed to sitting on a toilet and peeing in front of him. Something about the first picture seemed more appealing to me {I can’t imagine why}. So I prayed on my way home. Walked in the door. And went directly to the bathroom with my new purchase.

I peed. And then I put the stick on the counter and got on my knees in the bathroom. While I waited the two minutes, I talked to Jesus. I don’t really remember what I said. I pleaded for a positive. I remember that. And then I stood up. And I looked at the test. And for the first time in five years there was something there. A second line. It was the faintest, most beautiful, most wonderful, most miraculous, most incredible tiny pink line I had ever seen in my life. I stared at it. In silence. In shock. Dumbfounded. And then I started breathing hard. And then I started repeating, “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh!!!”

I literally ran out of the bathroom and to the car {with the pee stick in my hand as I ran down my front walk, across the sidewalk, and to the car door}. I sped to Jason’s work. I called him and said I was finishing my errands and had grabbed us some lunch. I asked him to meet me in the parking lot outside his office in 5 minutes. Drive drive drive. And this is what happened next (feel free to skip from about 21 seconds to 1 minute if you want to avoid dead time):

It was wonderful. And amazing. And wonderful. And amazing. He asked a bazillion questions and didn’t believe me for about 3 full minutes! We looked at the stick over and over again. There was definitely a faint line! Tiny. And faint. But REAL! And it was four days early and only 8 days past my three day transfer. Super early. And the afternoon! We were so FREAKING excited.

The next morning I retested. And then again the next morning. They just kept getting darker!

It was so wonderfully surreal. We have waited for this double line for five years. The desire in our hearts to be parents has only grown stronger during that time, but amazingly so has our peace. Only Jesus can do that. Only grace as a result of God’s kindness and your prayer can do that.

So thank you for your prayers. This is evidence of answered prayer. God can. He doesn’t have to. But He can. And He did. And we are so unbelievably grateful. So fun! And come back Monday for the next post, “Telling the Family.” My parents actually flew in that Sunday night and we picked them up from the airport with a great big surprise! Then stopped at Jason’s family’s house. It’s all on video!

The Two Week Wait

Well, it wasn’t two weeks for us. We walked out of the transfer on Thursday, August 23rd. We scheduled our follow up blood test for Monday, September 3rd. That was exactly twelve days. Add to that the fact that I couldn’t wait to take a home pregnancy test any longer than Friday, August 31st, and we actually only had to wait eight days to find out we were pregnant!!! But I’ll get to that tomorrow.

That said, those eight days still felt like an eternity. I had a really hard time waiting. It was interesting because we had been through it once before with the least favorable outcome becoming the reality. We lost the babies last time. Because of that, I think I fooled myself into thinking it would be easier this time than last time. After all, we had already been through it. Jesus had carried us through. God was good to us in grief. We were still breathing and living. So this time I started to depend on my own strength instead of Jesus. I even sort of hid from God in fear because I didn’t know what I would do if it didn’t work this time. I was afraid that I would be too hurt “by Him” to recover. I think I wanted to trust Him, but in hind sight, I was afraid.

Fear is a natural result of idolatry. When I started to put the value of my babies lives higher than the reality of God’s goodness, my foundation became sinking sand. And when you’re on sinking sand anything can happen and your hope is in the results. And because of that life is filled with fear and anxiety. If the outcome does not turn out how you had “hoped” than hope is dead. I had to do some serious repenting for not trusting Jesus and for not placing my hope in Him alone. I had to ask for forgiveness for hiding from Him. He is kind. He is patient. He is quick to forgive and merciful. He speaks tenderly to me and uses His surgeon’s scalpel cautiously and skillfully. He gives me grace. Sometimes more grace than I give myself. I need His help with that. The reality is He knew how hard this two week wait would be for me. And He was willing to be there with me every minute. He pursued me even when I wasn’t pursuing Him. Even when I was scared and hiding. I love Him.

So it was a hard, but GOOD two weeks (okay, eight days). Because God is GOOD and He uses trial to test our faith and this is more precious than gold. More precious than babies, even.

Come back tomorrow and I’ll share the story of how we found out we were pregnant and the video of me telling Jason in “The Double Line.”

The Tale of the Second Transfer Day

It was just as special as the first.

I mean, why wouldn’t it be? The first time you see your babies should always be special. For us, it’s different than a baby crying in our arms. It’s tiny embryos magnified on a screen by a special microscope. But the love and prayer and anticipation and preparation leading up to that moment make it just as special for us.

This transfer was very similar to the last with some neat improvements. This time Jason’s mom came with us and this time it was our doctor (last time he wasn’t on the schedule for the day of our transfer). This time we opted out of acupuncture (mostly just to save $). This time we transferred three embryos instead of two.

The reason we transferred three had to do with the way that they were frozen ten years ago. Our embryos were frozen in straws. One straw had two embryos that we transferred on April 13th, and the second straw had three embryos that we transferred on August 23rd. We prayerfully made the decision after consulting with our doctor about what course of action would give the embryos the best chance at survival. Transferring one or two and re-freezing/thawing the other/s would have put them at risk and was not a decision we were willing to make. We trusted God that if He called us to triplets, He would have provided. So we went ahead and gave the doctor orders to transfer all three no matter their condition after thawing.

We arrived at the fertility clinic and were ushered back to the transfer room pretty quickly. Within a few minutes of changing and getting ready, a nurse came in with the picture of our embryos. We knew we were starting with one 7 cell embryo and two 5 cell embryos. She informed us that the 7 cell had survived the thaw with all 7 cells in tact, one of the 5 cells still had all 5 cells in tact and the other had 3 cells remaining. She handed us this picture. We were overjoyed that all three had survived the thaw.

She left and we took some pictures and waited for our doctor to come in to perform the transfer. It all went pretty quickly, and before we knew it, there he was. They prepped me and then put our embryos up on the monitor. The lab technician confirmed that these were our embryos and then drew them up into the tiny catheter. She handed the catheter to our doctor through the window and into our room. He sat down, inserted the catheter, and with the help of ultrasound technology placed the embryos directly into my uterus. And that was it! As he got up to hand the catheter back into the lab he had this HUGE smile on his face as if he was very happy with how the transfer had gone. By the time he came over to shake my hand, tears were streaming down my face. He said, “I know, this has been a long journey. It went very well. Now we wait.”

And that was it. Quick. Pretty painless. And amazingly beautiful. We love them. All three of them. We thank God for choosing us to be their parents. For 1 minute. 5 minutes. 1 day. 5 days. 5 weeks. 1 year. 5 years. Or 70 years. 🙂

Medicated Cycle vs. Natural Cycle

The decision about the medication this cycle is actually an interesting God story. Surprise surprise. He provided in some really neat ways for us and really guided our decision.

Here’s the back story. Last cycle, I chose to do a medicated cycle over a natural cycle. To get a feel for what a medicated cycle looks like, you can re-read my protocol from the first transfer here. Essentially, a medicated cycle suppresses my normal ovulation and then gives me synthetic hormones to prepare my body to accept the embryos and sustain a pregnancy. A natural cycle is dictated more by your natural cycle (hence the name). There is less medication involved, but is less predictable. Transfer dates can be cancelled if your body is not exactly where it needs to be. Cost is about the same if you include all of the ultrasounds that need to be done as a part of the natural cycle. (If you, or someone you know is interested in EA and has specific questions about cost, feel free to email me and I’d be happy to give you more information). Last time we chose the medicated cycle, or the HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). This time, we were seriously considering the natural cycle, especially after our doctor told us that both methods are equally effective.

But after some changes occurred with our timeline, we knew we needed/wanted to do the transfer before the end of 2012. These changes were out of our control and were someone unexpected. That’s what made it neat. We were actually not planning on doing another transfer until the summer of 2013. So we had a choice to make about which type of cycle we would do.

We were actually trying to decide on July 6th as we were preparing to leave for a weekend of anniversary camping. I had been going back and forth with the nurse that day about which cycle we were going to choose. Finally, because of those unforeseen circumstances, I let her know we had decided to go ahead with the medicated cycle again.

At that point, she asked me what day of my cycle I was on. It was Day 6. “That’s great,” she said. “You can actually start birth control today if you want. It’s the last day you can start, or you can wait til next month.” I hadn’t thought that we would be able to start that soon, so I told her I would talk to Jason and call her back. After Jason and I talked, we decided that we hadn’t quite saved up ALL of the money that we needed for the transfer so we wanted to wait. We felt that God would have provided the money if He wanted us to move forward at that time. So I called the nurse back and said we were going to save a bit more and then we’d probably be ready to start the following month.

Two hours later the mail came. It was literally right as we were leaving to go camping for the weekend. I opened a card from a family member, and there, inside was a check for more than we even needed to begin the cycle. I cried. And then I laughed. Jason and I talked about it, felt peace, and called the nurse. “Change of plans. We can start today.” What a blessing. That would be the first of many.

So on July 6th, I began the second protocol for our second transfer. I followed the exact protocol as last time. Every appointment along the way went exactly as it was supposed to (actually even better than last time because my estrogen levels last time were lower than they wanted and this time they were perfect). Time tick tock’ed away pretty slowly over those six weeks, but we finally made it to August 23rd.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post, “The Tale of the Second Transfer Day” and get a refresher on “The Tale of Transfer Day” from our first transfer here.

We Are Pregnant!!!!!!

It’s official!

We’ve taken three pregnancy tests, three blood tests, and we’ve had two ultrasounds. There is so much to tell you. I’m eight weeks along. The pregnancy is the result of our second embryo transfer (read more about the joys/grief our first failed transfer here and here) that was done on August 23rd.

We know that many of you have followed our journey and prayed faithfully for us. Thank you. We were more private about this transfer because we wanted to protect our hearts while we waited for the results. Those weeks of waiting are very emotional and we wanted some privacy during those really vulnerable and sensitive days. Thank you for patiently waiting. I know that many of you have seen the silence on the blog and have wondered and probably deduced that we were doing another transfer. You were right!

We are overjoyed. We are humbled. We are excited out of our minds. We are in love with our tiny little Sweet Pea. We are grateful and thankful and still pinching ourselves every day. We are prayerfully asking God to continue to sustain this sweet little life and would very much covet your prayers over the days and weeks to come.

As well, we are also grieving the loss of the two embryos that did not survive this transfer. We transferred three embryos this time, and I was initially pregnant with twins. At about six weeks the doctor said we lost Baby B. So that has been very hard for us. In this process we adopted five embryos. That means that there are four embryos that we have loved, prayed for, and transferred that we will not meet this side of heaven. That is very difficult for us. We trust God. We know He is sovereign. We know that He loves each of these babies more than we ever could. Yet it is still hard. There is still grief. I will definitely post about grieving in the weeks to come.

So, please come back tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I cannot wait to share the details of this pregnancy including dates, meds, and a pretty hilarious/traumatizing story about my progesterone shots. I’ll tell you about the two week wait and I also have ultrasound pictures to share as well as stories and videos of me telling Jason and different members of our family that we were pregnant! I’ll share the results of our first beta tests as well as the story of our first, second, and third ultrasounds. And I’d love to keep you updated about our baby’s growth along the way. In the meanwhile, if you’re not familiar with Embryo Adoption or with our story, click here to read through our timeline.

The Tale of Transfer Day

When I was a little girl my dad used to come in at night to tell me bedtime stories. It was a ritual, really. He would lay down next to me on his belly, lean on his elbows, and fold his hands together. He’d place his thumbs on either side of his nose right below his forehead and use them to rub both of his eyebrows. This meant he was thinking of a story. The longer he furrowed his brow and ran over his eyebrows with his thumbs, the better the story would be. I loved his stories. He told the best stories. There was the ice cream factory that malfunctioned and filled the streets with ice cream. There was the family that rafted down a river with their pet lion. There were so many wonderful stories. But there was one story that was my favorite. There was one story that I would ask to hear again and again.

“Daddy, tell me about the night I was born.”

I can tell you all of the details. I’m almost thirty now. But I can close my eyes and hear his voice and instantly my mind is filled with images from the night I was born. I was there, but I obviously don’t remember it. Because of the details of my Daddy’s story, though, I do remember it through his eyes. Of all the images he gave to me, one stands out more than the rest. He would always end the story with the first time my mother saw me. I was born via cesarean after they tried to conceive for fourteen years. As the story goes, the nurse brought me around to my mom and the minute she saw me tears began streaming down the sides of her face.

Yesterday I experienced that for the very first time.

My babies aren’t born yet. In fact, they’re one fifth the size of the period at the end of this sentence. They weren’t handed to me in a swaddled blanket, and they weren’t crying or blinking their eyes in the bright lights. Instead, I watched them on a tv screen at the foot of my bed. They were magnified through a microscope and they were picked up by a catheter, handed through the lab window into my transfer room, and placed inside my womb.

I lost it. I wept.

I could see my stomach rising and falling on the ultrasound as I cried. I was trying to hold it in. The tears were pouring down the sides of my face as I laid there. It was a holy moment. It was a sacred moment. It was a moment we have waited for for so long. I felt as if everything was right with the world. They were home. I instantly felt different without feeling any different. I can’t feel them. But they’re mine. They’re ours. I am protective of them. I love them. I feel unbelievably small and completely humbled that God has chosen me to be their mom. To carry them. To give them a chance at life.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

Psalm 16:11 describes perfectly how I felt yesterday. I felt like I was in the presence of the Almighty witnessing tiny lives being placed inside of me. “You make known to me the path of life.” I felt indescribable joy. “In your presence there is fullness of joy.” The moment of being united with my children is something that I will never ever forget. “At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m praying with every thread of my being that these babies are growing and multiplying and implanting over the next several days. But I already feel so unbelievably humbled to be given the privilege of stewarding these children. Even if it’s for 5 minutes. Or one day. Or one week. I want to steward them all the days of their lives, but for now I will thank Him for each day.

And now their Daddy has a story to tell them about the day tears streamed down from their Mommy’s face.

Additionally, I need to thank our prayer warriors. You guys have completely loved and supported and encouraged our tiny family over the last several weeks and days in ways that have left Jason and I speechless. People we’ve never met are praying for us and our babies. We have had friends tell us that every time they pray for us they cry and get chills. There is even a man yesterday that took the afternoon off from work, and prayed and fasted in the middle of a field for us before, during and after transfer time. Thank you. You have demonstrated God’s love to us so clearly and all I can think of is 1 Chronicles 17:16,

“Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my family, that you have brought us thus far?”

The details of yesterday are this: when we arrived, we were told that the embryos were already thawed and that both had survived. Our 8 cell embryo had survived with all 8 cells completely intact and alive. Our 7 cell embryo had 5 of the 7 cells die. Only two remain. But it is still a viable embryo, and still has potential to have those two cells divide and grow and implant. We were told that the embryologist placed a tiny slit in each of the outer shells of the embryos to help them break out of their shells (assisted hatching). The transfer itself went incredibly smoothly (the acupuncturist couldn’t believe we were done so quickly). My bladder was EXACTLY where it needed to be (which I cannot stress enough my thankfulness because I can’t imagine having to drink a drop more). When the embryologist came in, she smiled, looked at me and said, “My two favorite nieces are named Kate and MacKenzie.” Pretty cool. They were able to put the catheter in one time as a practice. Then we saw our embryos on the screen and watched them be placed into the catheter. And then the embryologist worked with the ultrasound technician to find the exact place in my uterus where the embryos would be inserted. They measured in 11mm from my uterine lining and she said, “Ready…1,2,3! There they go!” They double checked in the microscope that the embryos were no longer in the catheter and I was done! Weeping like a baby of course. But it was amazing.

As you know, my blood test is in 10 days on Tuesday, April 24th. We are praying that over the next several days our two embryos will be multiplying, growing, and preparing to implant. Thank you again, for everything. Thank you to our friends and family that have cooked for us, dropped by to hug us, and brought us flowers, letters, cards, and gifts. Thank you for all the posts yesterday on Facebook and Twitter and various blogs. And thank you to everyone praying from around the world. We love you guys so much.

Official Transfer Time

We received the call today. Our transfer will happen at 1:30 PST (4:30 EST) on Friday. They will begin thawing the embryos about 30-60 minutes before our transfer.

Thank you for joining us in prayer!

What State Are You In

Hey Friends!

As part of the book I am compiling for the kids, I wanted to include the states where people live that are/were praying for them! So will you reply to this post and quickly say what state you live in? It’s okay if your state has already been mentioned! Post anyway! Thanks!!!

EA Update #13

Happy 3 More Days!

It’s getting really real. We are three days away. My nose has been buried deep in my Bible, but I wanted to give you a few quick updates as well as some prayer requests.

First of all, I had my last shot of Lupron last night. I think I did 29 shots overall. Thank you to those of you who prayed and encouraged me through that process. I felt your prayers and it became simple routine. Again, if I, the needle-phobe can do it, anyone can do it.

Second, I started my Progesterone and Doxycycline this morning. The progesterone is 3x’s daily and the nurse described its purpose to me this way: the Vivelle patches (which I continue putting on four of every other day through 10 weeks of pregnancy) help my lining act like a thick rose bush to help it get nice and plush. The Progesterone now comes in and works like lattice to help hold up the weight of the rose bush, or lining, so it will be prepared to house the embryos. I continue using the Progesterone through 12 weeks of pregnancy. The Doxycycline is an anti-infection antibiotic that I take 2x’s a day for 7 days.

That being said, I would very much appreciate your prayers for this transition. I am stopping a very intense drug, Lupron, and beginning two new ones. I’ve read and heard different things about the Progesterone, but I know everyone’s side effects can be different so we will see how it turns out. As I mentioned, I am also continuing on the Vivelle patches and Estrace, which means I’m on four medications right now (the most at one time so far). So your prayers would mean so much as my body makes yet another big adjustment. The body is amazing, isn’t it? Just not as amazing as the One who created it! 🙂

I also wanted to thank those of you who may have been praying for my sleep. I had accupuncture on Friday and I can tell you that I have had 4 nights of SOLID sleep in a row! For four weeks before that I hadn’t been able to fall asleep before 2:30-3am every night. I am feeling much more rested.

Tomorrow I will get a phone call with specific instructions and details for Friday. I will let you know what I find out after the call.

Until then, Jesus.

After that, Jesus.

All my days, Jesus.

Updated EA Timeline and Prayer Request

Hey Friends! Howdy ho!

As you’ve seen from my two most recent posts, I’ve been plugging along with the meds. The estrogen has been somewhat kicking my butt (I’m up to four patches now)! So I suppose that would be one prayer request. That my hormones and attitude would be under the authority of Jesus and that I would not use either as an excuse to sin against my husband or anyone else for that matter. And that Jesus would hold me when I’m crying ABOUT NOTHING!!! I only have six more days of my Lupron injections if you can believe it. Those have been going just fine.

I wanted to let you know that I spent a chunk of time updating our embryo adoption timeline. You can also find it on the “Embryo Adoption” page above. It goes from December of 2007 when we first prayerfully began trying to conceive all the way to now! What a journey. We hope God will get the glory in our story. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to check it out.

Finally, I’d like to ask you to be praying for my final doctor’s appointment tomorrow, April 5. At this appointment they will be taking another blood estrogen test. One week ago they needed my levels to be above 75. I was at 97.8! This week they need my levels to be above 450. Wowzers. That’s 10x’s the normal amount in an average woman’s cycle. No wonder I’m crying! So please pray for my levels to be above 450. Also, they will be checking to see that my lining is thicker than 8mm. If both numbers are where they should be, we will be cleared for takeoff! That means next Friday, April 13th, we will be doing our transfer.

And, as some of you heard, we have a big huge praise that my parents will be able to come out for the transfer after all. They were having a hard time finding someone to take care of my Grandma so they could come out, but someone stepped forward and now they will be able to be here when we find out our results. Jason and I are beyond excited that they will be here!

Thank you for journeying with us, friends. As always, your prayers mean so much to us and have carried us through.

Vivelle

I’m writing this post to share my personal experience with my estrogen Vivelle patches with the hope that the information will help someone else going through this process. So what’s my advice?

Get ready to be a lunatic. Just kidding. No I’m not. Shut up! Stop crying. You’re such a baby. Pull yourself together. Give me a break. I SAID SHUT UP!

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there.

Well, estrogen. Sweet estrogen. Perhaps I should wait to write this “informative” post on Vivelle patches. Perhaps I should write it when I’m not a crying raging psychopath. But alas, I am here (awake at midnight from the Lupron) so here we go!

Honestly, you’ll be okay. Don’t let the fact that you’ll be on ten times the normal amount of estrogen phase you. Seriously. I looked that up today after I had colossal meltdown #2. When I snap at my husband faster than a Venus Fly Trap, I want to know what’s up. And that’s what I found. I’m on 10x’s the amount of estrogen I have during a normal PMS cycle. Perhaps this post should be entitled, “Pray for the husbands.” Poor guy. He’s been great though. The other day (when I was still on only 1 patch) I asked him, “What are you going to do when I’m up to 4 patches?” He said, “Roll out of the bed onto the floor. And just keep rolling til I’m in the other room.” He’s laughing. I’m laughing. And crying. But mostly laughing at myself crying.

Here’s the skinny. About a month before my transfer, they started me on these Vivelle estrogen patches to build up my lining and prepare my body to accept the embryos. Every other day I would put on a new patch. I continued at 1 patch for the first week. Then I went to 2 patches. Then 3. Now I’m at 4 patches every other day until 10 weeks of pregnancy. At my first estrogen blood test they were looking to see that my estrogen was higher than 75. It was 97.8! At my next test, they wanted to see that it was above 450! That’s only one week later. Imagine the joy in my husband’s heart. I have that test tomorrow, so I will update the results when I get them.

As far as application goes, it’s pretty straightforward. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. They are small patches. About the size of two quarters side by side. I put them on at 9pm, around the same time as my Lupron injection. You rip the patch open and remove the adhesive backing on one side, being careful to not touch it with your fingers. Once one side is on, you can push the backing on the other side off as you adhere it to your skin. Once on, you can just go over the entire patch a few times with your fingers (especially around the edges) to ensure that it’s securely placed. Jason does these for me–he’s become quite the pro. I alternate sides and keep them within 3-4 inches of my belly button. I’ve had no problems at all with the patches staying on for two days even after showering.

The tricky part is the removal. These buggars want to stay on, which is what they were created to do. But this poses somewhat of a problem come time for peeling them off. But I’ve found a magic technique that I just HAVE to share with you. It’s pretty simple, and takes both the pain and goo (see bottom left picture above) away. All you need is a cotton pad, baby oil, and a really good moisturizing lotion. Peel away a little bit of the top of the patch (peeling toward the ground). It will start to hurt, so stop after you get a little peeled away. Douse the cotton pad with baby oil, and press it into your skin right where you’ve peeled a portion of the patch away. Let the oil run down into the patch and continue wiping your skin as you slowly peel the patch off (down toward the ground). This has been the most pain-free method I’ve found. Once off, use the remainder of the baby oil on the cotton pad to gently remove any goo. Then, use a great moisturizer to protect and replenish your skin. I’ve had NO irritation and am easily able to alternate side to side with the patches.

Hope all that helps!

Now suck it up, stop crying, and get that body ready to be home to your baby! 🙂