“possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real; free from pretense, affectation or hypocrisy; sincere”
Paul says, “let your love be genuine.”
It’s the first “to do” in his long laundry list of “impossibles” from Romans 12:9-21. There are about 26 things on the “to do” list to be specific. I don’t know about you, but after I get to about #3 on any serious “to do” list my eyes gloss over, I get a nervous twitch in my neck, and I start to peer out of the corner of my eye for the location of the TV remote. And that’s like a “chores to do around the house” list I’m talking about. Like #1-empty the dishwasher, #2-vacuum, #3-fold a load of laundry…wait for it, wait for it, wait for it…BOOM!, my head explodes.
Okay, that’s a gross exaggeration. I mean, I can make it through a few simple chores. It’s definitely not my favorite past time and I’m no Martha Stewart, but I can pull it off. However, a list like this one from Romans is daunting.
I think in the past if someone had passed me this list I would have read through the passage (secretly my eyes would have glossed over around verse 9b) and would have slowly nodded my head with an intense look of approval.
“Oh, that’s good. Real good.” I can hear myself say.
“Truth. So convicting. An excellent challenge.” Eyes furrowed, deep gaze, pensive pause.
Then I would tell you in “genuine love” that I’d be praying for you and would then peace out back to my “Me-Planet.”
This time I’m backing it up. Slowing it down. Breaking it up. Instead of 26 impossible “to do’s”, I’m taking each one at a time. Praying about it. Reading about it. Asking Holy Spirit to convict me and change me in each area.
This list IS intimidating. But it’s important. The ESV titles the section “Marks of a True Christian.” While these headings in and of themselves are not the inspired Word of God, I would agree that these exhortations from Paul are what the Holy Spirit inspired him to write as the characteristics of Jesus’ disciples. So my ears are open and my heart is ready. I’m taking notes.
Let your love be genuine.
Let your love be what it claims to be.
Let your love be love.
Here’s a note from the ESV: “Love must be the distinguishing mark of Jesus’ disciples. Jesus’ new command takes its point of departure from the Mosaic commands to love the Lord with all one’s powers, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself (Lev. 19:18, Deut. 6:5, Mk. 12:28-33), but Jesus’ own love and teaching deepen and transform these commands. Jesus even taught love for one’s enemies (Mt. 5:43-48). The command to love one’s neighbor was not new; the newness was found in loving one another as Jesus had loved His disciples (Jn. 13:1, 15:13). In light of Jesus’ subsequent death, ‘just as’ implies a love that is even willing to lay down one’s life for another.”
In John 13:34-35 Jesus says,
“A new command I give you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Let your love be genuine.
Not counterfeit, not full of pretense, not hypocritical. But sincere. Real. Authentic.
Let your love be sincere.
Let your love be real.
Let your love be authentic.
Where has my love been anything less than genuine? Where have I dishonored Jesus and robbed people by loving them in counterfeit ways?
Where have I replaced REAL love with COUNTERFEIT LOVE?
With love filled with pretense? With hypocritical love?
I have to tell you what happened in my house tonight. It started with the 4″ spider I found on our dining room wall…
…and it ended in me almost ripping Jason’s head off. And then some serious repentance.
You see, I really REALLY REALLY don’t like spiders.
Jason knows that. He’s really good about being “Jason the Spider Slayer.” Tonight, after Jason murdered this sick bastard….AND after he patiently followed me around the house as I pointed at every nook and cranny with a flashlight, he softly asked,
“Do you think there will ever be a time where you’d be able to do this by yourself?”
“This” being slay the spiders.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
HUGE MISTAKE.
I felt unloved. I felt embarrassed. I felt silly. I felt like a wuss. I felt unloved. I felt defensive. I felt betrayed. I felt uncared for. I felt scared. I felt unloved.
Did I mention I felt unloved?
Did I mention I worship my feelings?
Suddenly my husband’s genuine desire and concern regarding what I would do if I was home alone turned into him abandoning the heroic “spider slayer” role out of annoyance at my wussy-hood.
I stormed off (with my flashlights—for some reason I had three in my hand—to our bathroom where I was filling our jacuzzi tub with boiling hot water in preparation to blast all the jets to make sure spiders weren’t lodging in there).
Fifteen minutes later after total silence and separation, Jason walked by and I asked if I could talk to him (I was self-righteously sitting at the table reading my Bible—on this very topic, genuine love-ha!).
“About what?”
“What do you think? This. What just happened.”
“Sure.”
And so I started in on him. Started telling him how he could have said it differently, how what he said made me feel, how unloved I felt—I even mustered up some big crocodile tears when I was talking about how scared I was of those big bad spiders.
He tried to explain to me where he had been coming from. Tried to say that he wasn’t annoyed. That he wasn’t criticizing me. That he was only trying to ask what I would do—would I be able to kill one—a big one—if I had to because I was home alone? He was literally just trying to help me have a legit plan in place so if—GOD FORBID a spider showed up when he wasn’t there—I wouldn’t freak out and end up standing on a chair for ten hours until he got home.
“Well, you should have started out with that. You should have said that you loved me and that you were sorry that I was so scared of the spiders and that you were just worried about me being by myself. You should have tilted your head 15 degrees to the left, held my hand with just the right amount of pressure, looked longingly into my eyes for no more than 8 seconds and no less than 10, and then you should have done three somersaults on the kitchen floor into a standing lotus, finally finishing in the “ta-dah” position.”
Patiently, and GENUINELY, he started to apologize for how he had said what he said and began to tell me that he should have worded it differently and suddenly…out of no where…
I just busted out laughing.
Hysterically laughing.
And it hit me. And I couldn’t stop laughing. The absurdity…and I just blurted it out…
“Oh my gosh. I. AM. SOOOO. DIFFICULT.”
I weighed each word. The ridiculousness of it turned to absolute hysteria.
And I saw it. I saw myself in a way I’ve never seen myself before. As difficult. Impossible to please. Overly sensitive. And way way way too emotional. I started laughing, and then I was laughing and crying, and I just reached out my hand to him and FELT HIS PAIN.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sooo sooo sorry. I am so difficult.”
And our eyes met and there was an understanding, a communication, a GENUINE love on a level that I don’t know if we’ve ever experienced.
Wow. It was fantastically and wonderfully a train wreck. But a good one.
Spiders certainly do not spur on genuine love. Sin is the opposite of genuine love. The enemy, even. And sometimes a good old-fashioned spider, or any ridiculous situation, can stir up some good old-fashioned sin. And good old fashioned sin stirs up some good old fashioned reality. And once again I’m faced with the reality that even when I want to, even with the person I love the most on this planet earth, I am incapable of genuine love.
Jesus says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) One of His commands is to love genuinely. So I gotta love Jesus first. I gotta pursue Jesus first. I gotta KNOW Jesus first. Then, out of that, He’ll open my eyes to show me what genuine love is. He’ll open my eyes to where I’m loving hypocritically, with pretenses, replacing real love for counterfeit love. Where I’m making it about me instead of my neighbor. Where I’m not obeying His command, and where I’m not uniquely mirroring Jesus as a disciple that really truly follows Him.
This will be a lifelong journey for me.
Where do you struggle with genuine love?
Where have you settled for counterfeit love in your life?
In what relationships do you allow love with pretense to reign over authentic love?
Where is God calling you to love more sincerely?
Praying for you. For me. For all of us.
God help us.
_________________
A link to other posts in this series can be found on the menu to the right!
M C M I R A C L E 